Baba Again…

Delirium.
And no, you are not to live life on the safe side. No, the goal is not to get out of this life unhurt and with a beautiful, pristine heart.
When you go to God, all that you have for Him to see is a heart tarnished and ripped, bleeding because it has lived to the extreme, aching because it has lived to the extreme; exuberant, winged, proud at its fallen state, sheepish perhaps but never, ever ashamed. So that when He sees your heart, he can see not the traces, but the live scars of a life well-lived.
Be hungry. Know that your heart and soul are not the porcelain dolls in your living room. They are the battle, and they are the warriors, and they are the haul. They are to be the casualty, over and over again.
Source: http://saagandparanoia.blogspot.com/2011/01/delirium.html

Now, when I read this, my deep respect for my father increased ten-folds. He is one person I know who has lived his life clean but full of hardships. When he goes to God, he will have a “a heart tarnished and ripped, bleeding because it has lived to the extreme.” When he goes to God, God will see not the traces, but the live scars of a life well-lived. I am not exaggerating but telling the evident truth. I admire him not as a FATHER but as a HUMAN BEING. He fought to bring a change for his people. He failed. He fought again and failed again. And again. And again. Then he struggled to provide us with the best of everything. Struggled. Still struggling. He tried so much so that he did not worry about his life and jumped into the deadly world of politics for his people and for his family. Whoever I meet, all I hear is that DR RIAZ HAS A CLEAN HEART BUT A CARELESS TONGUE. Yes, he has a Careless Tongue which makes him all the more special. He speaks his mind out and is never hypocritical. An innocent man by nature. He is one person who deserves to be confronted with God with tarnished and ripped heart but not ashamed. NOT ASHAMED.

I wish I could stand by him in the same condition. I wish I could be attacked and almost killed for helping my people. Twice. I wish I could get nervous break-downs with the thought of my family’s future. I wish I could stand by him neck to neck in front of God and say: I DID WHAT I COULD!

I wish. I wish I could be like him. But I know that I will never be able to reach his shoulders. I know that I will never have a heart as strong as his. I know that I will never have the strength he has. I know that I will never match his determination. And I lastly, I know I will never come even closer to the Love he has for his people and family. For me, he is a Living Legend.