Tolerance

You may have heard the word "Tolerance" a lot these days. Yet you fail to realize how crucial it is for the betterment of humanity as a whole. You use this word in the wrong sense. You tolerate the genocide of innocent people but you do not tolerate the beliefs of those people. You tolerate the silence and inefficiency of the authorities (like the government) but you fail to tolerate the protests and vigils of those affected. This reminds of the pre-Islamic Arabia when tolerance was used in the same way as today. Young girls were buried alive, tribes and clans brutality killed each other, power struggle was always bloody, etc. Don't you see the same today? My belief is better than yours or I am right and you are wrong or you deserve to die or it is my duty to clean this religion or you did not help us so how can we help you or this happens to everyone so get over it or you are not the only one or I rather not get involved in this. SO MANY COMMENTS, OPINIONS, SUGGESTIONS, EXCUSES! All bull-shit (do not mind my french, tolerate this now).

You fail to realize that how will the whole society become tolerant if you yourself are not tolerant at heart? How will. every accept other no matter what the differences if you yourself think you are superior than other? Did God personally come down and whisper in your ear that you are better than others? Did he personally tell you that you are superior? NO. Then why do you think your beliefs are better than others or your skin color is superior to others? God wants you to be humble and mind your own fucking business (tolerate my french once again). You have no authority to decide the fate of other people. You have no right to decide who lives and who dies. You have no right to take on the responsibility of racial, ethnic or sectarian cleansing. WHO ARE YOU? God's chosen people? AGAIN BULL-SHIT! Putting your head down on the ground five times a day and then going out calling other people non-believers does not make you a good person in the sight of God. It only makes you an idiot. You make a fool of yourself and your religion with your idiotic actions and words.

Did your Prophet (PBUH) teach you to kill anyone who disagrees with you? NO. Did your Prophet (PBUH) order you to stay silent when innocent people are killed? NO. Did your Prophet (PBUH) teach you to be intolerant? NO. NO. NO. He lived in Madinah with people from all kinds of backgrounds. His friends were from different ethnicity. His people were given protection by a Christian. So many examples where one system of beliefs helped another system of beliefs even though they disagreed. SHAME ON YOU ALL!

Our textbooks in elementary, middle and high school teaches kids about the wars of 1965 and 1971. They teach us about Jihad. They mention the basic beliefs of Islam. BUT SELDOM DO THEY TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF TOLERANCE AND DIVERSITY. The textbooks should focus more on stories where tolerance is the main theme than stories where one human being kills another human being. Besides that, teach your own kids that calling another human being a non-Muslim and then shunning him or her is not an authority given to them by God. Punish your kids if they do not follow the code of tolerance. You can punish them for not doing their homework or not listening to you but you cannot punish them when they think ill of a different sect or religion or ethnicity? Shame on you. You are no one to judge the fate of another human being. You are no one to publicly criticize the beliefs of another sect. Have peaceful dialogues and discussions among yourselves but do not focus on the difference but on the similarities. Pay attention towards learning more about each other than trying to prove the other person wrong. A debate that has not been resolved for past 1400 years will not be resolved even now so why even bother looking for a resolution? Share knowledge but do not ENFORCE your beliefs.

Be tolerant of other people's emotions, beliefs and faith. DO NOT TOLERATE MURDER AND GENOCIDE OR ANY CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY. Killing of anyone without a proper trial where his or her crime is proven is never justified.

And teach others about tolerance.

Sacrifice

Dear Humans of the World,

Sacrifice is an interesting concept. It is astonishing to see how mothers would sacrifice for their children or how lovers would sacrifice for each other. I believe that all our sacrifices should be for humanity. We should learn to be less selfish and more focused towards advancing humanity as a whole towards betterment. If you sacrifice your desires to steal, then your are not snatching the rights of someone else. If you sacrifice the urge to waste money on sex, drugs and alcohol, then these elements that degenerate a society will slowly diminish resulting in a healthier society. If you sacrifice your habit of playing with the emotions of someone else, then you will not make anyone depressed or ruin someone's life. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a lot of things for the betterment of humanity. My father sacrificed his life for the security of his people. My family sacrificed their dreams and hopes for the betterment of those same people. Imam Hussain AS sacrificed himself to protect the religion. Soldiers sacrifice everything every day for the safety of their country.

Dear people, learn to sacrifice and take humanity to a higher level of discipline and happiness.

Freedom of Choice?

Every human is free. Every human being has a freedom of choice. They have the right to make their own decisions concerning themselves. But with this freedom comes a great responsibility. Your decisions never affect you only as every human life is connected to another and the spider web of humanity is established. What you do may influence your society or some child a continent away. Therefore, think before you act. Ponder before you make your decisions or choose your words to express something. You may be an advocate of individualism, or you may talk a lot about "freedom of choice" but remember, nature has given you reason as well. Nature has given you the ability to ponder. More than anything, nature has given you will power. Freedom, reasoning and will power were given to you for a certain reason. Combine them all together when you live your life. Do not just live your life on the idea of freedom alone nor just live a life based on your logical reasoning. Combine all these together. You may say I am free to do or say whatever I want, but without reason you will not realise that your words may hurt someone else or start a dangerous domino effect in society. And without willpower you will not be able to control your tongue and keep your harmful words to yourself. Freedom, reasoning and willpower are nature's gift to humanity but humanity must utilise all three of these elements simultaneously while acting. If you give up on even a single of these three elements, then you will act out of pure selfishness. For example, if you choose to do drugs out of your freedom of choice without utilising your reasoning and willpower, then you will not only harm yourself but also the people surrounding you. If you choose to be a rebel against your parents or your society, then once again, depending on your reason to be rebellious, you may hurt the emotions of your parents who brought you up or you may result in becoming a part of the degeneration of your society. Here, you should use your willpower to control yourself and back off. Being rebellious my be useful if your reasoning tells you that it is necessary for the evolution and betterment of society and in that case use your willpower to stand steadfast and fight on.

Therefore, dear humanity, use your freedom, your reasoning and your willpower all together at the same time before acting.

And it begins...

Dear all,

Life has put me in a lot of stuff. Yet I do not blame life. I do not blame my fate or destiny. I blame the people. I blame the silence of these people. I blame the society. A lot has changed for me. A lot has changed for the remaining members of my family. A lot has changed for thousands of families. Our only crime, our beliefs.

From now on, besides the usual blogging, I will address the people of this world regarding certain issues and dilemmas. If you agree with what I write, go ahead and share it. But if you do not agree with what I write, then go ahead and stop reading.

Thank you.

Random Realization no. 1: Parents

Past few months have brought about a series of random realizations that are too obvious yet mostly ignored. 

Parents are an extremely crucial part of our lives. They raise us, feed us, cloth us, love us, protect us, rebuke us, restrict us, and leave us all alone when they pass away. Yes, one day they will leave us. So do not waste this time and value them. They are precious! I have always loved my parents and grandparents but I just realized that I never loved them enough. I need to love them more. And now I do. When majority of my friends and colleagues left me all alone, my family stood by me. Society forsook me, my family embraced me. People forgot me, family celebrated me. When every selfish soul went away on their own path while leaving me on the roadside, my family held me and walked me to safety. Friends were always busy but my family always had time. If I give them time, they will always give me time as well.

Our parents bring us into this world and focus their attention towards us. They strive to give us a better future and sacrifice to give us comfort. Sometimes they fail to do some of that, but then it's not their fault. As humans, they were not strong enough. We should not blame them or fight them for their failure. Instead we should stand by them and face that failure together. They would do the same for your failure as well. Love them. I repeat, love them! 

The modern society persuades us to be independent and selfish. The problem is that our parents will suffer the most as a consequence. Were they selfish when you were just a small baby crying day and night? No. Then why should you be selfish when they are old and cranky? Our life should revolve around them just like their life revolved around us when we were infants and toddlers. You can have all the independence you want once these parents have passed away. Then you will miss them. You will regret not giving them enough time. You will despise yourself for fighting them. You will abhor your being for arguing with them. You will consider yourself a monster for not respecting them.

Go ahead, and give time to your family, specially your parents. You are very lucky if you have them. Some unfortunate souls lose their parents very early in life, so be grateful that you are not one of them. Friends social, novels, Facebook, games can wait, but your parents have a limited life. Learn from them but also teach them just like they taught you. Protect and comfort them. Hug them and tell them you love them. Kiss them and tell them they are precious. Do it now, before it's too late.

...

My Dear Daddy, please come back to your Shehroz...

Dear Daddy,


I miss you Daddy. I wish I could do something to bring you back! People say you would be happier now since you are at a better place. But what about me? My best place was with you; beside you. Will you hold my hand again and take me around the house? Or teach me how to tie a double knot? Or discuss politics and world issues with me? Or entertain me with your extraordinary life stories? 


You may be happy, but what about me? How could you just leave me like that? My dear Daddy, WHO will kiss me goodnight now? WHO will protect me from the wicked world outside? Oh my dear Daddy, I am incomplete now. I need you now. Daddy, you did everything I asked you to; now I am asking you to come back! Please come back Daddy. Will you not fulfill this wish of mine? Will you turn me down now? Will you just stand up there watch my tears wet my shirt and my pillow? Will you not hug me and console me that you are right here with me? I love you Daddy. You were my mentor. You were my teacher. You were my backbone. Now you have crossed into the other world leaving me exposed and vulnerable. My backbone is broken now. I am shattered into a thousand pieces. Just call my name once more and I will recollect myself. Just hug me once and I will be whole again. Just kiss my cheek and I will be complete once more...


I cannot believe that you are gone. It is impossible to imagine a life without you. Every hour I look towards your room and expect you to walk out in your crisp shalwar kameez and adorn the air with the sweet aroma of Aramis cologne. I expect to hear your heavy voice calling out "Shehroz Shehroz, Let's go out and get some fruits!" Daddy, who will buy me apples and oranges and melons and watermelons and mangoes? Who will give me company on the lunch table to finish off a whole melon? I just cannot believe you are gone! Even though I washed your lifeless body myself and buried you with my own hands, I cannot believe that you are gone! I refuse to believe that. Please prove everyone wrong and come back! I beg you Daddy. This is all just a dream, please call my name and wake me from this painful nightmare. Daddy I am DYING without you. Your absence is slowly killing me...


Although you were my grandfather in relation, but you were more than a father to me. Our relation exceeded beyond the realm of language! How could you just leave me? You brought me up and taught me everything. You adopted me from your own daughter and loved me more than anyone. You believed in me when the world criticized me. You motivated me when I had given up. You made me who I am today! I want to see you once more, to touch you once more and to tell you once more that I love you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Please take me with you. I don't want this world. I want YOU.


Words cannot describe our relation nor can words describe the emptiness I feel without you.


With love,

Your favorite,

Shehroz.

My Familia

My family feeds me strength. And courage. And hope. And knowledge. And happiness. And all the good things in life.

No matter how down I am and no matter how high I am, my family will always stand behind me and whisper in my ear: Shehroz, this too shall pass.

After my trust was broken by someone extremely close, I know I will never be able to trust ANYONE except my own family.

A Random Realization...

In my race to success, I did not realize that I had become very selfish. Thank God it isn't too late. 2012 will definitely be a personality changing year. 

The Crumbling Empire...

A man who once commanded a whole ship with a crew in hundreds, now lay all alone on a hospital bed. The man who was proud and independent, now had to depend on others to help him sit up. A man with a mountain of knowledge, now didn't even know that he had been spending nights in a hospital. A man with the farsightedness of a telescope, now had an eye that didn't function at all. Life can be very unfair at times. Daddy is alive but his essence has declined. He is weak and he is not the same anymore. 

Every Mighty Empire has experienced a downfall. For many, the crumbling away of an empire is nothing short of a story that moistens their eyes. But daddy's final decline made me sob and scream. I had to cry all alone. I had to hide and cage my emotions while everyone is busy taking care of daddy. I had to help them too, but my hands and feet are paralyzed. I refuse to believe that he is just a mortal. I refuse to see him in this condition. I simply refuse. 
But I need to cry, I need to scream, I need to hit my head on a wall. I need daddy. I need him to get out of his bed and walk me around the house. I need him to do his magic again and squeeze out a whole bar of chocolate from my ears. I need him to sit with me on the lunch table and repeat all his stories and adventures. I need him to stand proud and hug me when I succeed in life. I need him to attend my future high achiever's ceremony. I need him to approve a girl for me after telling me all the stories about his girlfriends. I need him to sit with me and watch baywatch with me again.

But more than anything, I need him to live forever.

Even now as I write this, I get up to wipe my tears and daddy speaks in his half sleepy condition, "Shehroz, Sardi toh nahi lag rahi?"

(Shehroz, are you cold?)

Grandmother :-D

Grandmothers are the cutest creatures on Earth. Their love and affection is matchless but their cranky mood can destroy mountains and dry out rivers!  I love my grandmother and I believe so does everyone else. I was just a couple weeks old when my grandparents "adopted" me from my parents. There were a gazillion people who criticized my parents for letting this happen. But they made me what I am today. My grandmother spoiled me to the core. I love her.  Grandmothers Zindabad!!!

The House of Lost Glory

(The following refers to my house. But it also refers to my ancestors and family.)

This is the story of a house. A house that once stood strong and proud. A house that had power and resources. But now, this house has lost its glory. It has lost its influence and power. It has lost its strength. This house now stands divided with hundreds of holes in its body.

This was MY house. A few days  ago, a bomb blast across the road severely damaged it. Cracked walls, shattered glass, blown away doors, broken windows, damaged frames, dust, smoke, dread and what not!

It is extremely depressing to enter your house without a door. More depressing to see everything lying broken on the floor. Much more depressing to realize that this house stood strong for the last 30 years.

The builders are too old now, the new generation is too young and busy. Who will rebuild the house? Who will restore it to its lost glory? The name must carry on. The glory must be revived. The lineage must continue! The family must rise again!

 

Baba Again…

Delirium.
And no, you are not to live life on the safe side. No, the goal is not to get out of this life unhurt and with a beautiful, pristine heart.
When you go to God, all that you have for Him to see is a heart tarnished and ripped, bleeding because it has lived to the extreme, aching because it has lived to the extreme; exuberant, winged, proud at its fallen state, sheepish perhaps but never, ever ashamed. So that when He sees your heart, he can see not the traces, but the live scars of a life well-lived.
Be hungry. Know that your heart and soul are not the porcelain dolls in your living room. They are the battle, and they are the warriors, and they are the haul. They are to be the casualty, over and over again.
Source: http://saagandparanoia.blogspot.com/2011/01/delirium.html

Now, when I read this, my deep respect for my father increased ten-folds. He is one person I know who has lived his life clean but full of hardships. When he goes to God, he will have a “a heart tarnished and ripped, bleeding because it has lived to the extreme.” When he goes to God, God will see not the traces, but the live scars of a life well-lived. I am not exaggerating but telling the evident truth. I admire him not as a FATHER but as a HUMAN BEING. He fought to bring a change for his people. He failed. He fought again and failed again. And again. And again. Then he struggled to provide us with the best of everything. Struggled. Still struggling. He tried so much so that he did not worry about his life and jumped into the deadly world of politics for his people and for his family. Whoever I meet, all I hear is that DR RIAZ HAS A CLEAN HEART BUT A CARELESS TONGUE. Yes, he has a Careless Tongue which makes him all the more special. He speaks his mind out and is never hypocritical. An innocent man by nature. He is one person who deserves to be confronted with God with tarnished and ripped heart but not ashamed. NOT ASHAMED.

I wish I could stand by him in the same condition. I wish I could be attacked and almost killed for helping my people. Twice. I wish I could get nervous break-downs with the thought of my family’s future. I wish I could stand by him neck to neck in front of God and say: I DID WHAT I COULD!

I wish. I wish I could be like him. But I know that I will never be able to reach his shoulders. I know that I will never have a heart as strong as his. I know that I will never have the strength he has. I know that I will never match his determination. And I lastly, I know I will never come even closer to the Love he has for his people and family. For me, he is a Living Legend.

REALIZATIONS!

Last night was full of realizations. Some very pure realizations. And some very scary realizations.

Last week, my maternal uncle got into trouble with his work. His whole career was in jeopardy. This created an environment of tension and depression in our house. There was also a small fight between my maternal grandparents.

Yesterday, I got diarrhea. My grandmother asked me to put the newly-bought bottle of honey in the kitchen but due to an emergency call of nature I had to run to the bathroom and put the bottle on her bed-side table instead and forgot about it.

Last night, around 3 a.m., my uncle could not sleep because of anxiety and instead gets up to drink a glass of water. On the other hand, my diarrhea wakes me up too. My uncle sits outside my grandfather’s room to drink his glass of water and suddenly notices my grandfather struggling to walk out of the room. My uncle plunges forward to hold him by his shoulder and help him. Only words that were coming out of my grandfather’s trembling lips were: Mein Gaya, Mein Gaya, Mein Bas Gaya, Mujhe Apni Shaklein Dikhao, Mein Jaa Raha Hun (I am gone, I am gone, I am gone now, Show me your faces, I am going). Immediately, I run out from the room to help my uncle hold him and walk him to our room. We help him sit down on the bed.

“Sab ko bulao, mein unko dekhna chahta hun, mein jaa raha hun, bas mein gaya!" (Call everyone, I want to see them, I am going, I am gone!).
At that very moment, my crying grandmother sees the honey bottle and just pours some in my grandfather’s mouth. He was repeating the same sentence over and over again. Trying hard to hold back my tears, fighting hard to bury my emotions, I call my parents who arrive within five minutes. My grandfather hugs my grandmother and kisses her forehead and says, “Mein Gaya, Apna Khyal Rakhna!” (I am gone, Take care of yourself). At that instant, tears just break free from the invisible dam I had constructed around my eyes and rush down my cheeks. We give him a glass of water with honey mixed in it. And another spoonful of honey. He slowly slowly gains his energy and enters back into his senses. My father checks his blood pressure which is normal as well as his heartbeat which is normal too. Then, we check his blood-sugar level which was 2 units (even after all the honey we gave him). A normal sugar-level should be between 3.2 units and 6.4 units. At last, we figured what was wrong with him.

His blood-sugar level had dropped so much so that he thought he was dying. He was blacking out! His senses were dull and giving up. The random reflex of my grandmother to give him honey actually saved him. IF HE HAD FAINTED/PASSED-OUT, THE RESULT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY UNPLEASANT AND UNFORTUNATE.

My purpose of writing this small, emotional incident was to analyze it and define how God designs our lives in such mysterious ways. YES, GOD EXISTS. He is sitting up their on His throne, carefully crafting every moment of our lives and inter-connecting them like threads of a web. Lets look at a list of some of the What-ifs:

1) If my uncle was not tensed about his work and career he would have been fast asleep and my grandfather would have passed out before reaching our room. No one would have known about him till morning.
2) If I did not have Diarrhea, my uncle would not have been able to walk him to the room without tripping over and falling.
3) If I did not have Diarrhea, the honey bottle would have been in the kitchen and no one would have thought about giving my grandfather something as sweet as honey.
4) If we had not given him honey, he would have passed-out and it would have been another long half-hour before we would have realized what was actually wrong with him (going to the hospital and the check-ups would have taken time).
5) If all this would not have happened, my grandparents would be still not talking to each other and our Eid would have been very depressing.

I realized that God is there. I realized that God always carefully designs our lives. I realized that all the events of our lives are inter-connected. I realized that nothing is random and there is no such thing as coincidence. But I also realized that my grandparents are old now. I realized that they are mortals. I realized that Life is never permanent. I realized how much we love each other. I realized how much we care for each other. I realized that I will be incomplete without my grandparents.

ALL THESE “RANDOM” EVENTS WERE SO WELL-COORDINATED AND PERFECTLY TIMED THAT THEY COULD NOT BE JUST COINCIDENCES. This proves the existence of an Absolutely Genius Designer and an Infinitely Skilful Creator. It is up to you to believe or not. I believe.

Changed me. Evolved me.

(During a small text-message discussion with my friend, the topic of CHANGE came up. She told me how a recent 10-day experience changed her completely. I replied: I have already changed in the past and I won’t anymore or at least anytime soon.)

After this, I tickled my thought-process to figure out what were the significant events that did change me and evolve me into an individual that I am today. When I look back, I find a Gazillion such small incidents.

My grandfather’s table-talks changed me and my grandmother’s caressing changed me. My mother’s hug changed me and my father’s love changed me.

Then comes my school life. My betraying friends changed me and my first crush changed me. My losing and winning changed me and my competitors’ dirty tricks changed me. My every success changed me and being the school HeadBoy changed me. Making new friends changed me and being betrayed again changed me. My teachers’ trust changed me and my best friend's perfidy changed me.

Blast on Baba’s election rally changed me and 70 people dying changed me. 200 injured people changed me and my father’s tears changed me. Another blast on my father’s car changed me and the story of his bloody body changed me. His survival and getting well changed me and seeing him once again changed me. Him losing the elections changed me and shattering dreams changed me. But him being alive and well changed me and his determination to fight again changed me.

Then winning the YES Scholarship to USA changed me and meeting 60 kids from all over Pakistan changed me. Ups and Downs changed me. Small laughs and fights changed me. New great friends changed me and their loyalty changed me.

Getting on that plane to USA changed me and my grandparents’ and parents’ tears changed me. My brothers’ tight hugs changed me. That long flight changed me. The DC nights changed me and finding a true best friend, Osama, changed me.

My loving Host Family changed me and the nice Church Folks changed me. The morning Starbucks changed me and the evening Iced Tea changed me. Those meal-discussions changed me and working in the yard changed me. Meeting 61 amazing kids from all over the world changed and my high school changed me. Finding my TWIN BROTHER MARCELO changed me and being best friends with the ASB President Luke Kneeshaw changed me. Those crazy car rides changed me and Chinese Fire Drills changed me. Stealing road-signs changed me and getting wrapped in Food Wrap changed me. Working at Scone Booth and Mariner’s game changed me and those visits to Federal Way Commons changed me. Watching SAW 5 with girls changed me and then being forced to watch Twilight in Cinema changed me. Pikes Place Market changed me and spotting hot girls changed me. The castle of Stadium High School changed me and the Prom Night changed me. That red Ruby Beatle changed me and that Hulla doll changed me.

Then, saying last goodbyes and knowing that I may never see them again changed me and the final hugs changed me. Those tears changed me and that depressing long flight back to DC changed me. Frustrations in DC changed me and the desire to run back to Seattle changed me. Hatred for some people in DC changed me and then comfort from family changed. Seeing my own home once again changed me and the end of American Adventure changed me. Old friends making fun of me changed me and their criticism of my being different changed me. Missing my foreign friends changed me and getting back to my old friends changed me. Osama’s constant support changed me and Roots College changed me. Working for flood victims and orphanages changed me and constant nostalgia because of my USA experience changed me. Seeing Pakistan deteriorate changed me and people’s ignorance changed me. Every success so far has changed me and winning the HeadBoy elections changed me.

YES, I am a changed person now. I have evolved into something you cannot comprehend.

Grandfather (Daddy)

Dear Daddy,

You made me. I am what I am because of You.When I was young, you taught me the ways of an older person. You held my hand and walked me around the house telling me stories of your past; narrating me adventures of far away lands and seas. I will never forget those long table talks and those productive garden walks. YOU MADE ME. You took care of me when others bullied me. You wiped my tears and yelled at those who brought tears to my eyes. You taught me how to fix lamps and switches. I learned plumbing from you. I learned politics from you. We discussed issues which only elders discuss. You taught me how to fire an air-gun. You gave me lessons on how to defend myself and the house. At age 10, you gave me the responsibility of the home’s security. You made me DREAM. You made me GROW.YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM RIGHT NOW!

Now, you are ill. You don’t walk anymore with me in the garden. You don’t talk much on the table either. Daddy, I miss all that. You are getting weaker day by day. Your health is deteriorating. My aim of life so far has been to make you proud. I topped every class, and got great academic and social standing just because of you. I will never forget your life lessons. You gave me so much freedom that people criticized you for that but you always ignored them. Look at me now, that freedom you gave me made me something better than most people. YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM RIGHT NOW!

Daddy, just hang in there. I want you to celebrate with me when I achieve the DREAMS we both had for myself. I want you to see me reach not only the sky but to go beyond. I want you to then go around laughing on the faces of people who criticized you for everything regarding me. I want you to pop a champagne bottle to celebrate my victory just like they do in the movies. I want us both to then sit down and watch Baywatch just like we used to when I was only 7 or 8 years old and people used to dislike that. Daddy, I want you to be around when I reach the final stage of BECOMING WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO BECOME!

I love you Daddy. And I will always love you. I pray a long and healthy life for you.

The Silent World

(I wrote this while trying to see and feel the world through Ali Raza’s eyes. Or at least trying to. Ali Raza is a two-year old boy who is deaf. He is my cousin’s son. Really cute. The following is just a portion of the whole writing I have been working on.)

“The world is completely silent for me. Or that is what others tell me. Everything is quiet. I don’t know what “SILENT” actually means. I don’t even what is this thing people call “NOISE” and maybe not knowing it is what “silent” means. Existence of anything remains unknown until and unless someone actually “senses” it. That is how people know that God exists because at some point in their lives, people have ‘sensed’ God and His workings. For me “SILENCE” and “NOISE” don’t exist at all.

I see and feel the world the way others cannot, and others see and feel the world the way I cannot. Or that is what others tell me. If that is the case then I am different. I am special. Every great thinker, philosopher, revolutionary or prophet was different and they saw and felt the world the way others could not. They were special. They were gifted. I am gifted…”

Insanity and Life

Its been almost a whole year and I am still not over my USA year. I still miss my time. I am going crazy. Insane. I wish I could relive it all again. Just once. Please.

I am lucky to have met some of the most beautiful people in the year 2008. I wish I could bring it all back. I wish I could be with them forever. First of all, I had the loveliest Host Parents ever. Ryan and Peggy. My American PARENTS. Even though at times I know I annoyed them but they never said a word. Ryan Dad always took care of me like his own true son. Peggy mom always cooked the most delicious meals and not to forget the mouthwatering Desserts she made. They just had a wonderful family who took me under their wings in an alien land. There is so much about them that even a whole book would not be sufficient.

Then comes Luke Kneeshaw (Homo Gayshaw). The one person I admire more than anyone. I still do not know how a popular ASB president came to be friends with an insignificant Pakistani exchange student. I still don’t know. I remember the first time I met him. Then I remember the night I made him and others run away from our house through the backdoor. That really pissed my host family. But my intention was to not disturb them. All the small mistakes I made in USA were always unintentional and I got to learn a lot from them.

I will not say much about Marcelo because just by thinking about him I get tears in my eyes. Still. That may sound gay but I miss him a lot.

After them comes a long list of people I miss extremely and would do anything to be with them again. Luis, Jenny, Franzi, Teresza, Sara, The Exchange Student Gang, The Hauser Family, The Church Folks, everyone related to the Egerdahls.

I am going insane. And I do not know what is the cure to this malady.

The Inside

I "LEARNT"
To Live With Strangers!
And
To Become A Part of Them!

Now I Want To
Live With My
Own Flesh And Blood,
With My Own Kith And Kin!
To "LEARN" To
Live With Them!

And To
Become A Part
Of THEM!

Bombs and Blasts and Blood!

That one blast took it all away
People die mothers cry every moment every day.

It was a city of joy and a city of fun
Now it's a city where most carry a gun.

It was a city of life and a city of lights
Now it's a city of dead and no more delights.

Same is the story of one survival
It cannot be put into words But I won't forget the fable.

Ask me not what this fable was
For he struggled and fought and lost for a mighty good cause.

All he wanted was to bring a change.
None supported him, calling him a fool and his ideology strange.

He still fought and fought bravely.
But the enemy opposed him with violence gravely.

A suicide bomber tried to bring him down. Many died
Miracles happen. He survived.

A second attempt to blow up his car was not foreseen.
His body bloody and only few helpers on the hostile scene.

He survived yet again. God is on the right side.
United we stand but why always we divide?

 

Dad I love you and will always remain by your side. I am ready to face the gruesome consequences. I am ready to die. For a death on battlefield will be far more sweeter than a death on bed. A death in action will be far more glorious than a silent death. A death for a cause will be far more honorable than a death in vain!

Past Memories, Unforgettable!

I still remember!

"Hey, I will call you in a while when I get back home, I think my workers are having fireworks in the rally. Bubye."

I remember when my mom left home and I turned on the television to see a RED ALERT NEWS BULLETIN saying: A bomb blast on the rally of a candidate for elections for Member of National Assembly in the area of Parachinar.

I was thinking it couldnt be. Not possible. We just talked to my dad. His rally was over and they were having fireworks. But then the The News Bulletin said: Bomb blast on the election rally of Dr. Syed Riaz Hussain Shah NA-37.

This was enough to sweep me off my feet. The rest was history. 61 people dead and 232 injured in the Suicide Bom Blast on my father's rally after he was done with his speech. His closest workers were among the martyrs. My dad cried. He cried because he is such a guy who cannot even see an insect dead.

We all mourned for the dead but I remember what happened two weeks later. I still remember:

"Shehroz! Were you asleep? I am so sorry to hear about your dad!"

"What? What happened to him? Must be a mistake my friend."

"No No, turn on the television and watch the news. There was an attack on his life."

"I will talk to you later!"

News Bulletin: A roadside, remote-controlled bomb blew up the SUV of Dr. Syed Riaz Hussain, candidate for Member of National Assembly from NA-37. No further details.

This time I felt like I was dreaming. No one in my family knew about it as it was morning and everyone was busy with their house chores. I call on the cellphone of my father and a voice tells me that the number is powered off. I was shocked, scared, shitty, and could not even cry. I took out the power cable of the television so that no one should see the news. My mom was not home. I call her just to hear her crying because someone had told her already.

"Mamma, I saw the news. It cannot be. It is a lie. It is a mistake."

"Shehroz, then why isn't your father picking up his damn cellphone?"

"Mamma, relax, mamma we need to be careful, he must be busy. I will call his workers and ask them. Mamma, don't cry. Please mamma, I cannot handle this alone. Please mamma, keep it a secret from others till we contatct Baba. Mamma, for me, please stay strong, I am coming for you, stay there. I am coming right now!"

It took us another four hours before we talked to my father who was in the Operation Theatre after the incident. In a caravan of SUVs of my father and his workers plus guards, no one knew in which SUV my father was sitting and yet the enemy had the information. The SUVs in front had passed by the bomb and when my father's SUV approached the spot, someone with a remote control blew up the bomb. My father's guards and driver were severely injured and the SUV became a pile of rubble. They were taken to the hospital. Who could be so merciless to do such a thing to my father who never meant harm to anyone? He never even meant harm to his own enemies!

My father was injured and so were his closest workers. As one worker gave the account, he said "when we reached to the spot and were looking for your father, we saw a body full of blood. The head and face was so bloody that we thought that your father's body got separated from his head and one of the guys started screaming LOOK FOR THE HEAD LOOK FOR THE HEAD!"

Before we could get in touch with my father, people started pouring in our house. All worried. All waiting for the news. Prayers were answered and myf ather survived the second attempt on his life. But those four hours before the phone call from dad were the most difficult moments of my life. My mom crying, my brothers crying.

"I am okay son. I am okay. I am perfectly fine. I will talk to you later, right now I am going to an undisclosed location to rest. I will call you in a while again."

I will never forget that one month full of election excitement and then full of bloody depression. The memory still haunts me! Haunts me every second of my life, yet I can do nothing. You cannot even imagine!!!

When I say I HAVE SEEN THINGS AND I HAVE EXPERIENCED THINGS, I am not lying. All this changed me. Made me stronger, harder and WIERDER. I may have a friendly mask on me but I am different from inside.