Freedom of Choice?

Every human is free. Every human being has a freedom of choice. They have the right to make their own decisions concerning themselves. But with this freedom comes a great responsibility. Your decisions never affect you only as every human life is connected to another and the spider web of humanity is established. What you do may influence your society or some child a continent away. Therefore, think before you act. Ponder before you make your decisions or choose your words to express something. You may be an advocate of individualism, or you may talk a lot about "freedom of choice" but remember, nature has given you reason as well. Nature has given you the ability to ponder. More than anything, nature has given you will power. Freedom, reasoning and will power were given to you for a certain reason. Combine them all together when you live your life. Do not just live your life on the idea of freedom alone nor just live a life based on your logical reasoning. Combine all these together. You may say I am free to do or say whatever I want, but without reason you will not realise that your words may hurt someone else or start a dangerous domino effect in society. And without willpower you will not be able to control your tongue and keep your harmful words to yourself. Freedom, reasoning and willpower are nature's gift to humanity but humanity must utilise all three of these elements simultaneously while acting. If you give up on even a single of these three elements, then you will act out of pure selfishness. For example, if you choose to do drugs out of your freedom of choice without utilising your reasoning and willpower, then you will not only harm yourself but also the people surrounding you. If you choose to be a rebel against your parents or your society, then once again, depending on your reason to be rebellious, you may hurt the emotions of your parents who brought you up or you may result in becoming a part of the degeneration of your society. Here, you should use your willpower to control yourself and back off. Being rebellious my be useful if your reasoning tells you that it is necessary for the evolution and betterment of society and in that case use your willpower to stand steadfast and fight on.

Therefore, dear humanity, use your freedom, your reasoning and your willpower all together at the same time before acting.

And it begins...

Dear all,

Life has put me in a lot of stuff. Yet I do not blame life. I do not blame my fate or destiny. I blame the people. I blame the silence of these people. I blame the society. A lot has changed for me. A lot has changed for the remaining members of my family. A lot has changed for thousands of families. Our only crime, our beliefs.

From now on, besides the usual blogging, I will address the people of this world regarding certain issues and dilemmas. If you agree with what I write, go ahead and share it. But if you do not agree with what I write, then go ahead and stop reading.

Thank you.

A Fictional Tale of a Mad Man!

Here he is. Fluctuating between God and wine.
What has he become? What monster has he become? He needs peace of mind. He can't find it anywhere. Oh where should he go? To what should he turn? Wine or religion? Has he become so low that he has lost it? He was always sure of himself. Always. Yet now he stands nowhere. Yet now he is lost. Has he stooped so below the ground that he has become materialistic? This materialism isn't giving him what he needs. He needs peace. He needs solace. He needs satisfaction. This madness. Oh this madness!

(This is a fictional piece of writing with no connection to anyone I know.)

My Dear Daddy, please come back to your Shehroz...

Dear Daddy,


I miss you Daddy. I wish I could do something to bring you back! People say you would be happier now since you are at a better place. But what about me? My best place was with you; beside you. Will you hold my hand again and take me around the house? Or teach me how to tie a double knot? Or discuss politics and world issues with me? Or entertain me with your extraordinary life stories? 


You may be happy, but what about me? How could you just leave me like that? My dear Daddy, WHO will kiss me goodnight now? WHO will protect me from the wicked world outside? Oh my dear Daddy, I am incomplete now. I need you now. Daddy, you did everything I asked you to; now I am asking you to come back! Please come back Daddy. Will you not fulfill this wish of mine? Will you turn me down now? Will you just stand up there watch my tears wet my shirt and my pillow? Will you not hug me and console me that you are right here with me? I love you Daddy. You were my mentor. You were my teacher. You were my backbone. Now you have crossed into the other world leaving me exposed and vulnerable. My backbone is broken now. I am shattered into a thousand pieces. Just call my name once more and I will recollect myself. Just hug me once and I will be whole again. Just kiss my cheek and I will be complete once more...


I cannot believe that you are gone. It is impossible to imagine a life without you. Every hour I look towards your room and expect you to walk out in your crisp shalwar kameez and adorn the air with the sweet aroma of Aramis cologne. I expect to hear your heavy voice calling out "Shehroz Shehroz, Let's go out and get some fruits!" Daddy, who will buy me apples and oranges and melons and watermelons and mangoes? Who will give me company on the lunch table to finish off a whole melon? I just cannot believe you are gone! Even though I washed your lifeless body myself and buried you with my own hands, I cannot believe that you are gone! I refuse to believe that. Please prove everyone wrong and come back! I beg you Daddy. This is all just a dream, please call my name and wake me from this painful nightmare. Daddy I am DYING without you. Your absence is slowly killing me...


Although you were my grandfather in relation, but you were more than a father to me. Our relation exceeded beyond the realm of language! How could you just leave me? You brought me up and taught me everything. You adopted me from your own daughter and loved me more than anyone. You believed in me when the world criticized me. You motivated me when I had given up. You made me who I am today! I want to see you once more, to touch you once more and to tell you once more that I love you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Please take me with you. I don't want this world. I want YOU.


Words cannot describe our relation nor can words describe the emptiness I feel without you.


With love,

Your favorite,

Shehroz.

What Matters??

A question has started evolving and mutating inside my skull. It has formed wings and is buzzing around my head like an angry bee caged in a small jar. The question: what matters?

In this life full of beauty and charm and corruption and death, what is it that truly matters? Is it the big house or the sexy car? Is it the girlfriend who dumped you or the family that supports you? Is it the friends who would die for you or the friends who would back bite? Is it the good grades you need or the hot girls you want? The list is long and never ending. We want so many things but what is it we actually need? What truly matters? I wanted everything I just mentioned. I wanted money, fame, respect, girls, comfort and power. But now I want what I actually need and what actually matters. I already had money, fame, respect, girls and power. I had everything I wanted or at least a bit of everything. Now, after everything was taken away from me, I realized these things are temporary. They are like that spring breeze which caress your hair and slide over you skin giving you feelings of euphoria but eventually thrusts you into the burning heat of the summers. Everything must end one day; "life" being the certain of all.

The question remains: what matters? I may have an idea, but my quest has just begun. I may end up more lost than before or I may end up disappearing off the face of the Earth but my quest will only reach it's destination when I have found a satisfactory answer. Is it God? Or is it spiritual comfort? If it's either of these, then how can I find them? Is it love for humanity or is it the life Hereafter? If it's either of these, then how should I act about?

What matters?

We. Are. Slaves.

Long ago, Quaid-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah dreamt of a Pakistan where the Muslims would be free. Muslims of the Subcontinent were slaves of a foreign power; they were slaves of an alien law and they were slaves of a different religion. These Muslims were discriminated, oppressed and persecuted. Quaid-e-Azam wanted a free Pakistan for free Muslims. It will not be wrong to say that today’s Pakistan is exactly the opposite of the vision of our founding father, who dreamed of a liberal, progressive Islamic state based on the principles of justice. 

The question we should all ask ourselves is: where do we stand now? Is this the Pakistan our great leader wanted? ARE WE FREE? Unfortunately, the answer is NO. We are still slaves; slaves of of foreign TV channels, slaves of western culture and clothing, slaves of a so-called "modern" lifestyle, slaves of our own selfishness. Now the world has become a global village and we are still  discriminated, oppressed and persecuted on a global scale. Even now innocent people are dying just like during the days of Independence. There were extremists then and there are extremists now. The streets were red with blood then and the streets are painted with blood every day even now. Are we really free?Our soldiers die every day and instead of supporting them we criticize and insult them. People are falling deep into the pit of poverty and misery while WE sit and enjoy our luxurious lives. All these table-talks and long evening walks won't help us at all! 

Our Quaid weaved Pakistan with the threads of Unity, Faith and Discipline. He visioned us all following these three 'extremely important' principles. Are we following them? We are not at all United. The provinces are divided and fighting amonst themselves. More provinces are being demanded further dividing Pakistan like pieces of a puzzle. Navy, Army and Airforce have issues with each other while our government departments are not at all cooperating with each other. We have lost faith in our country, in our potential, in our resources and in our selves. Many of us are even losing faith in our perfect religion. We can reign over the world if we believe in ourselves and in the soil of this beautiful country. We can rise and become the best if we just have some faith in our color GREEN. Discipline is only taught in primary schools and we easily forget all about it when we enter the practical Pakistani life. Starting from something as small as throwing garbage on the ground to something as big as not following the constitution, we are quite indisciplined. Constitution is our code of discipline but the legislation, judiciary, army, media and masses play around with it like some cheap china-made toy. 

Dear countrymen, there is still hope if we wake up now. Before our Independence Muhammad Ali Jinnah saw a people full of deep, hidden potential. He saw them tarnished with struggle and pain yet they were still headstrong and ambitious. He saw their zeal, zest and hunger for freedom and success. And then he crafted Pakistan for them. Dear countrymen, the blood of those strong people still run in our veins. It is because of this blood we have still survived and InshAllah we will win our Freedom--AGAIN. 

.

Thoughts of a Sun

The mighty God, with a thought, made me proud and bright;
I was, in the whole universe, a vibrant, a magnificent sight.
Every thing in the skies, with eyes weak, lowered their gaze;
My radiance was bold and wild, with beauty I was all ablaze.

With clay, then my Lord, fashioned mankind so small and weak;
The Angels cried, this  man flawed, on Earth will havoc wreak.
The whole creation had to bow down to this being so imperfect;
My God said, "don't be a Satan and your warmth do not reject!"

For the love of my Creator, I  bowed down to a being unworthy;
For this mankind so imperfect, even I had to dim my envied glory,
For it was God's command to help this ungrateful bag of flesh
Without prejudice and  pride I must provide daylight and food fresh.

Oh mankind mortal, what is wrong and why don't you understand,
You were just born and today you wrought destruction so grand.
You kill and let kill; you sleep and let die; you laugh and let cry.
I ask you oh flesh, are you so flawed and insensate? I ask, "Why?"

I am the mighty Sun, without which you are nothing and no one;
Even after your atrocities, I am to provide; God's will be done.
If I had free will and power, I would have turned you all to dust.
Because you are a shame and you let the given Principles rust.

Changing Beliefs...

I have always been more of a you-make-your-own-destiny kinda guy. I did believe in Fate to an extent but I believed we had more control over our lives. I always thought that we make our own future. I always thought we were not governed by a pre-decreed law but reaped what we sowed. The stronger my belief in all this was the more I was contradicted by the story of my own life. 

Now, I am having some major changes in my belief system.

Those Little Miracles

 

Who is God? Where is God?

I once got slightly confused when I tried to answer these questions. I would ponder for hours trying to make sense out of everything but then I gave  up because I realized that I was going insane. One night I was so disturbed that I  cried and asked the sky above me, “If you are really up there Oh God, then prove it to me! Show me a sign! Tell me that you Exist! Help me! Guide me! Answer my questions! I AM GOING MAD!”

I never got a reply from God in the form of a huge paranormal miracle or a hard copy of a letter from the sky or even an Email. I was just being too dumb and too naive. Soon, I started seeing these small miracles around me. I started seeing these little signs here and there that slowly answered all my questions. I was seeing things I had never seen before. I was seeing those Little Miracles all around me. And that was the instance I realized that God is really up there.

Miracles are everywhere. You just need to have an eye for them. I started having these dreams in which I would be warned of upcoming dangers and would be given a solution for it. Everything was in codes and secret messages and I just had to focus to unlock them. I did. And then I started seeing miracles not only in my dreams but in my real life too. Starting with that laughter of a baby who was being bounced up and down by his father. That innocent laughter. Dripping with magic so strong that even the worst of moods could be set right with that charming laughter of that pure baby. Miraculous. Nature’s medicine to cure depression.

Then, I looked outside my window and saw a bird making a nest in a tree. It was a miracle how a small bird could make a home for itself all alone using nothing but small twigs and grass.

Then I saw how a laborer was lifting heavy weights with super-human strength. He had to feed his family and the miracle was in his determination to do that!

I further saw many small and unnoticed miracles all around which strengthened my belief in God.

That Hot Shower…

 

There is something about that hot water stream splashing on your head that gets you all thinking; thoughts about life and death, love and hate, past, present and future flow into your veins as if they are a part of your rushing blood. Thoughts become Blood. It is funny how hot shower is the source of many of my essays and speeches and realizations. A billion questions spring up in the shower.

Today, in the shower I reflected upon my past and present. I reflected upon all that had happened to me in my more than 18 years of life. And at everything that happened to me I would ask these questions: Why Me? What if?

Fate? Or something like it?

 

Fate works in strange ways. It closes a billion doors on you but opens one huge door better than all the combined closed doors. I have always believed in a somewhat very complicated theory of Fate devised by me. I always believed some part of our Fate was in our own hands. But parts are completely out of our hands. I would not go into that but I will tell you how fate “PLAYED” with my life and then gave me a huge compensation. Gave me something better or more like GAVE ME THE BEST!

My dream was to go to MIT. I had a perfect profile. I had everything I needed to get into MIT. EVERYTHING. Except for one thing: SAT score. I was always successful in everything that I did. I thought I was invincible. I thought I would win it straight and clean once again this time. But like I said: Fate works in strange ways. I got a pathetic SAT score. My dreams crashed and burned. I was devastated. Depressed. Suicidal. My first failure, my first fall from the horse, my first eye-opener hurt more than anything. I heard somewhere that DEATH is very painful. I felt the pain equal to DEATH.

Fate works in strange ways my friends. Before my SAT, I was “forced” to apply to UK universities including University of Oxford. I applied but I knew that Oxford was an impossible dream so I never paid attention to it. I always focused on MIT. But now MIT had to wait till I get back on the horse and try again. I did not even feel like getting back on the horse. I felt miserable. In immense Pain. But something happened and my life changed again. I fell once but I was lifted up so high that I could never imagine that! I thought flying so high would be impossible but my Acceptance from University of Oxford took me all the way to Cloud 9 and BEYOND! Yes, I AM GOING TO OXFORD. “THE OXFORD!”

I am one of the 6 lucky students Brasenose College of Oxford University accepts every year to study Electrical Engineering.

FATE WORKS IN STRANGE WAYS ONLY TO BENEFIT US.

REALIZATIONS!

Last night was full of realizations. Some very pure realizations. And some very scary realizations.

Last week, my maternal uncle got into trouble with his work. His whole career was in jeopardy. This created an environment of tension and depression in our house. There was also a small fight between my maternal grandparents.

Yesterday, I got diarrhea. My grandmother asked me to put the newly-bought bottle of honey in the kitchen but due to an emergency call of nature I had to run to the bathroom and put the bottle on her bed-side table instead and forgot about it.

Last night, around 3 a.m., my uncle could not sleep because of anxiety and instead gets up to drink a glass of water. On the other hand, my diarrhea wakes me up too. My uncle sits outside my grandfather’s room to drink his glass of water and suddenly notices my grandfather struggling to walk out of the room. My uncle plunges forward to hold him by his shoulder and help him. Only words that were coming out of my grandfather’s trembling lips were: Mein Gaya, Mein Gaya, Mein Bas Gaya, Mujhe Apni Shaklein Dikhao, Mein Jaa Raha Hun (I am gone, I am gone, I am gone now, Show me your faces, I am going). Immediately, I run out from the room to help my uncle hold him and walk him to our room. We help him sit down on the bed.

“Sab ko bulao, mein unko dekhna chahta hun, mein jaa raha hun, bas mein gaya!" (Call everyone, I want to see them, I am going, I am gone!).
At that very moment, my crying grandmother sees the honey bottle and just pours some in my grandfather’s mouth. He was repeating the same sentence over and over again. Trying hard to hold back my tears, fighting hard to bury my emotions, I call my parents who arrive within five minutes. My grandfather hugs my grandmother and kisses her forehead and says, “Mein Gaya, Apna Khyal Rakhna!” (I am gone, Take care of yourself). At that instant, tears just break free from the invisible dam I had constructed around my eyes and rush down my cheeks. We give him a glass of water with honey mixed in it. And another spoonful of honey. He slowly slowly gains his energy and enters back into his senses. My father checks his blood pressure which is normal as well as his heartbeat which is normal too. Then, we check his blood-sugar level which was 2 units (even after all the honey we gave him). A normal sugar-level should be between 3.2 units and 6.4 units. At last, we figured what was wrong with him.

His blood-sugar level had dropped so much so that he thought he was dying. He was blacking out! His senses were dull and giving up. The random reflex of my grandmother to give him honey actually saved him. IF HE HAD FAINTED/PASSED-OUT, THE RESULT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY UNPLEASANT AND UNFORTUNATE.

My purpose of writing this small, emotional incident was to analyze it and define how God designs our lives in such mysterious ways. YES, GOD EXISTS. He is sitting up their on His throne, carefully crafting every moment of our lives and inter-connecting them like threads of a web. Lets look at a list of some of the What-ifs:

1) If my uncle was not tensed about his work and career he would have been fast asleep and my grandfather would have passed out before reaching our room. No one would have known about him till morning.
2) If I did not have Diarrhea, my uncle would not have been able to walk him to the room without tripping over and falling.
3) If I did not have Diarrhea, the honey bottle would have been in the kitchen and no one would have thought about giving my grandfather something as sweet as honey.
4) If we had not given him honey, he would have passed-out and it would have been another long half-hour before we would have realized what was actually wrong with him (going to the hospital and the check-ups would have taken time).
5) If all this would not have happened, my grandparents would be still not talking to each other and our Eid would have been very depressing.

I realized that God is there. I realized that God always carefully designs our lives. I realized that all the events of our lives are inter-connected. I realized that nothing is random and there is no such thing as coincidence. But I also realized that my grandparents are old now. I realized that they are mortals. I realized that Life is never permanent. I realized how much we love each other. I realized how much we care for each other. I realized that I will be incomplete without my grandparents.

ALL THESE “RANDOM” EVENTS WERE SO WELL-COORDINATED AND PERFECTLY TIMED THAT THEY COULD NOT BE JUST COINCIDENCES. This proves the existence of an Absolutely Genius Designer and an Infinitely Skilful Creator. It is up to you to believe or not. I believe.

Beautiful

Some things in life are too beautiful to be expressed by words.

God is too beautiful.

And then Love is too beautiful.

HISTORY

History is not a collection of facts but just a collection of opinions and perspectives. It may be opinions of just one side only or can be of both sides. We cannot ignore the fact that there will always be a certain level of “Historian Bias” or “Ruling-Class Effect” sometimes evident and sometimes concealed in these Pages of History!

(Now consider again the whole history of nations and religions.)

God? Are You really up there?

In a discussion with two of my senior friends (Abdullah Bhai and Haider Bhai), Abdullah Bhai and I challenged everything that people consider REAL. Haider Bhai was annoyed. Abdullah Bhai and I were the Radical Liberals while Haider Bhai was the Strict Conservative. The following is my ideology regarding REALITY and our LIFE. Do not get me wrong, I am still a staunch Muslim and even according to this ideology, God does exist as you will see in the end! This may seem very wierd and complicated to you. Later I found out that this ideology is partially or mostly similar to the philosophy of SUBJECTIVISM.

What is “Reality?'”

My definition is that ‘Reality is everything that our mind perceives.’

Another definition could be that ‘Reality is everything that the majority agrees upon.’ This I believe is wrong.

 

According to my definition, Reality is ‘created’ by our mind. Our mind decides how and what we perceive. Does that mean whatever we perceive could be wrong? An example of this is that our mind actually decides how we perceive the color YELLOW. How do you prove that the color YELLOW is actually yellow? How do you PROVE that in reality it is exactly like the way we perceive it? This means that every proof we have for things that exist around us is actually SUBJECTIVE. How do you remove the “MIND’S SUBJECTIVITY” when trying to prove the existence of something that you see, feel, hear or sense? I AM THE SUBJECT OF MY MIND AND MY MIND CREATED THE WHOLE OBJECT UNIVERSE AROUND ME. Nothing actually exists, it is all fabricated by the mind!Everything is subjective! Only I exist. For me, you don’t exist. Its like a film being played before my eyes. This ultimately leads to the phrase: “The mind is the god (with a small ‘g’).”

Now, if you argue back by saying that the color red exists because we SEE it and you agree with the second definition of reality, then how would you explain what a color-blind person sees? This is where I see the “flaw”  in the second definition of reality which says that reality is what majority decides on. What if the color-blind person is actually seeing the real color and the whole of majority is in truth color-blind? The first definition of reality can also be explained and proved by the fact that a schizophrenic’s reality is what he perceives and what his mind shows him/her even though it is not real. Thus, there is a possibility of my ideology being correct! There is a possibility that whatever I am seeing is wrong and unreal. What if I am a schizophrenic and whatever I see is just a fabrication of my mind?  THE MIND IS THE CREATOR?? CREATING AN ILLUSION?? For all it is, I could be just sitting in a dark void of nothingness or I may not have a body at all!

How do I prove that YOU exist? How can I do that in a way which does not involve my mind meddling or tampering with the actual reality? How do I know that whatever I am sensing and seeing and feeling and hearing is actually REAL and not just a fabrication of my mind? If I am alone, then does that mean everything around me is an illusion like that of a schizophrenic? Does this mean there is no such thing as religion and family and love and God and hunger and happiness and disaster and history and science?? Is it all made a part of my APPARENT REALITY just to keep myself occupied?? Just to give my mind something to play with? Does this mean I can change my reality if I truly and deeply believe in something and learn to control or force my mind into superficially making it real for me? How did I come into existence then or do I even exist?

After coming up with these series of questions, I reached a conclusion. The conclusion justified the existence of God to me…

When I sit down and think that since my mind is the master and creator of everything, then why can’t I answer some really serious questions like the ones mentioned above? Why is it not possible to come up with the true REALITY? That is where my ‘brain lamp’ lit up. This is where I realized that we are just too imperfect and insignificant to know the answers to such questions. THE MIND’S INABILITY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS IS THE PROOF OF GOD’S EXISTENCE AND A PROOF THAT THERE MUST BE SOME BEING ABOVE ME! This shows that there must be a Higher Being with much more knowledge than my mind to actually know the answers and to have created something as illiterate and imperfect as my mind. A being that gave my mind a BEGINNING but not enough power to come up with these answers. God hid the answers and solutions for this very reason; to prove His own existence without ever manifesting Himself. The following is how I imagine a Higher Being reacting to my questions and my inability to answer them:

God: HAHA, see! You can’t come up with the answers! You are too insignificant! Too dumb! The reason why I never made you that smart was so that one day you realize this! I AM YOUR BOSS YOU LITTLE DUMBSHIT! You will never understand such matters. YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE INFERIOR! YOU ARE MY CREATION! AND I AM YOUR “GOD!”

God and Misery

(While trying to have an intellectual discussion with my best friend Luke Kneeshaw, I stumbled upon a valuable realization. Thanks Luke.)

OZZY says:
 wow! humans sure are a violent creation
God created humans as intellectual savages? civilized zombies?
Luke says:
 Well, I think he made us perfect
we're the ones who screwed it up
I personally think that god is more of a clock maker than a puppeteer
He made up to work and we should be able to do it by ourselves with his help every once in a while
OZZY says:
 you are right! clockmaker no doubt...we screwed ourselves up! he tried to keep us on track through religion...but we used religion to wage more wars.

Remember: God made us perfect. We are the ones who screwed it up. (Luke H. Kneeshaw)