Monday, September 29, 2008

Friendless and lonely in an alien land, I struggle hard to survive. Everything is so different; so expected yet it got me. I thought I was hard and strong, but I am not. You can truly realize your inner strength only when you go through tough and difficult times. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I have a family here and I have some friends here, but I cannot talk my heart to them. I cannot explain my feelings and thoughts to them. My family misses me and cries when they talk to me. I do not cry. I want to but I don’t. This is the most difficult thing in the world; to not to cry when you are seriously hurting inside. I do not cry because I don’t want others to cry. I put on a smile to conceal my true misery and no one is around me to understand my true inside feelings. No friends. No family members. I am lonely. Miserable. Exhausted. Shocked. Confused.
I have been out of touch with some of my dearest friends who are on the same piece of land but miles apart. They call me, as honest and loyal friends do. But I am ashamed to say that in last two months I never called them. What is happening to me? Am I becoming selfish? Is this new land changing me? Or is it just one of those times in my life when I don’t have time to even contact my friends and family? Whatever it is, I am ashamed. highly ashamed.
I miss my friends. The true and loyal friends. During these days I have got some worse shocks of my life. My friends back home forsake me. Left me when I needed them most. Left me when I truly was alone. Left me even when I never left them in their difficult time. But the friends i made in last four months turned out to be humans. loyal friends indeed.
I am truly lonely. Miserable. Shocked. Confused.