Monday, November 29, 2010

Life is just not fair…

I am a Canary Bird, against the furious gale, flying…
I am a Canary Bird crying, struck down hard…
Did not see it coming, was busy singing…
But knew that the fall will hurt, in the heart!

Life is never fair at a time when you really need it to be. You put in so much effort into something and then you just see all your efforts wash away right when you start believing that Life is favoring you; right when you believe that Luck is on your side. “Luck” is an interesting concept. It has a will and soul of its own. Untamed. Wild. Arrogant. Apathetic. In short: Luck is a bitch. She will leave you for someone else right when you need it. She will make you feel like you are THE ONE and then she will let you fall down and will not even give a shit.

Till few days ago, I felt invincible. I felt undefeatable. I felt powerful. I had too many moments of success one after the other. I came out victorious in every venture I undertook. I wanted this to go on for just a little longer. I was at the most crucial point in my life. And then it dawned on me that good things never last forever. I started realizing that I must learn to “fall” otherwise my first fall would be devastating for me. I never knew my first fall would come so soon. I was not prepared. I was taken by surprise. Alas, the fall destroyed me. It destroyed me from inside. Killed me. And then the second fall pushed me further down.

Yes, Luck abandoned me. I fell. My first fall. And then the second. I can’t get up no matter how hard I try. Unfair Life just ate me from inside like a termite of misery. It hurts. I am hollow. I am weak. No more invincible. Vulnerable. Defeated.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Last night was full of realizations. Some very pure realizations. And some very scary realizations.

Last week, my maternal uncle got into trouble with his work. His whole career was in jeopardy. This created an environment of tension and depression in our house. There was also a small fight between my maternal grandparents.

Yesterday, I got diarrhea. My grandmother asked me to put the newly-bought bottle of honey in the kitchen but due to an emergency call of nature I had to run to the bathroom and put the bottle on her bed-side table instead and forgot about it.

Last night, around 3 a.m., my uncle could not sleep because of anxiety and instead gets up to drink a glass of water. On the other hand, my diarrhea wakes me up too. My uncle sits outside my grandfather’s room to drink his glass of water and suddenly notices my grandfather struggling to walk out of the room. My uncle plunges forward to hold him by his shoulder and help him. Only words that were coming out of my grandfather’s trembling lips were: Mein Gaya, Mein Gaya, Mein Bas Gaya, Mujhe Apni Shaklein Dikhao, Mein Jaa Raha Hun (I am gone, I am gone, I am gone now, Show me your faces, I am going). Immediately, I run out from the room to help my uncle hold him and walk him to our room. We help him sit down on the bed.

“Sab ko bulao, mein unko dekhna chahta hun, mein jaa raha hun, bas mein gaya!" (Call everyone, I want to see them, I am going, I am gone!).
At that very moment, my crying grandmother sees the honey bottle and just pours some in my grandfather’s mouth. He was repeating the same sentence over and over again. Trying hard to hold back my tears, fighting hard to bury my emotions, I call my parents who arrive within five minutes. My grandfather hugs my grandmother and kisses her forehead and says, “Mein Gaya, Apna Khyal Rakhna!” (I am gone, Take care of yourself). At that instant, tears just break free from the invisible dam I had constructed around my eyes and rush down my cheeks. We give him a glass of water with honey mixed in it. And another spoonful of honey. He slowly slowly gains his energy and enters back into his senses. My father checks his blood pressure which is normal as well as his heartbeat which is normal too. Then, we check his blood-sugar level which was 2 units (even after all the honey we gave him). A normal sugar-level should be between 3.2 units and 6.4 units. At last, we figured what was wrong with him.

His blood-sugar level had dropped so much so that he thought he was dying. He was blacking out! His senses were dull and giving up. The random reflex of my grandmother to give him honey actually saved him. IF HE HAD FAINTED/PASSED-OUT, THE RESULT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY UNPLEASANT AND UNFORTUNATE.

My purpose of writing this small, emotional incident was to analyze it and define how God designs our lives in such mysterious ways. YES, GOD EXISTS. He is sitting up their on His throne, carefully crafting every moment of our lives and inter-connecting them like threads of a web. Lets look at a list of some of the What-ifs:

1) If my uncle was not tensed about his work and career he would have been fast asleep and my grandfather would have passed out before reaching our room. No one would have known about him till morning.
2) If I did not have Diarrhea, my uncle would not have been able to walk him to the room without tripping over and falling.
3) If I did not have Diarrhea, the honey bottle would have been in the kitchen and no one would have thought about giving my grandfather something as sweet as honey.
4) If we had not given him honey, he would have passed-out and it would have been another long half-hour before we would have realized what was actually wrong with him (going to the hospital and the check-ups would have taken time).
5) If all this would not have happened, my grandparents would be still not talking to each other and our Eid would have been very depressing.

I realized that God is there. I realized that God always carefully designs our lives. I realized that all the events of our lives are inter-connected. I realized that nothing is random and there is no such thing as coincidence. But I also realized that my grandparents are old now. I realized that they are mortals. I realized that Life is never permanent. I realized how much we love each other. I realized how much we care for each other. I realized that I will be incomplete without my grandparents.

ALL THESE “RANDOM” EVENTS WERE SO WELL-COORDINATED AND PERFECTLY TIMED THAT THEY COULD NOT BE JUST COINCIDENCES. This proves the existence of an Absolutely Genius Designer and an Infinitely Skilful Creator. It is up to you to believe or not. I believe.

Monday, November 1, 2010


(This again one of my old poems from the Pre-USA era. This time it’s one of the completed ones.Although it was written years ago, this poem clearly reflects one of the incidents that happened recently in the last 4 months. Don’t ask me.)

What do you think?
You will get away with it?
Never, ever! I shall make sure
That you are punished and that you sink!

You came to me for forgiveness
And I forgave you.
Not knowing that you are a devil,
I struggled to protect and save you.

I gave you shelter and room.
I cared for you like a father.
But you betrayed me like a deceiver.
Now I shall push you to your doom!

The moon scorned me.
The sky turned away from me.
The stars spat on me.
And the Earth warned me.

But I never gave up on you.
I stood behind you.
And I kept pushing you.
And you pushed me too!

You pushed me from a cliff--
A cliff of my hopes and my hard work--
To the abyss of your mischief.
Now I shall pull you with me!

Where will you run now?
Where will you hide now?

MY Life

(I wrote this poem when I was in 8th Grade. Like all my old poems, this too is incomplete and I plan to keep it that way. I found this in an old dusty notebook I used to keep which had disappeared in the rubble of my busy life.)

My Life is a Story,
Full of Disappointments & Glory;
Full of Ups and Downs;
Full of Smiles and Frowns.
I experienced being a Fallen Warrior,
And sometimes a boring Story-teller.
Now I tell the story of My Life;
How I faced the world’s sword and knife,
Which defeated every man
But not me, as nothing can!

Starting as a Boy so Ordinary,
I began the first page of My Story.
I wrote and then I ripped it off.
It was about how I climbed the ladder of success,
And then how easily I fell off.
People know only about my success,
But don’t know the time I spent in distress…