Fallen

(I am posting after a long gap because I don't know. Do not mind the gloomy tone of this post)


I have kept my emotions locked inside my chest since so many days (30 days to be more precise). I have to keep them caged in the abyss of my chaotic self. I must do this. For my family. And for my self. These emotions are corroding me from inside. Slowly eating me like termites consuming soft, moist wood. Unbearably Painful. If I let them out, it will spread through this Earth like a plague. They will ride to every corner of the world on black smoke and doom every living creature to eternal torture.  Whatever I write will not make sense to you because it is not even making sense to me. My hands are writing but I do not know how to express Or WHAT to express. Malady. Yes. Total insanity. Undoubtedly.

All was almost perfect. Things were going smooth on the front- seat of the roller coaster of my life. Posters here. Articles there. Advises here. Suggestions there. Anxiety here. Dreams there. My life was very bling-bling. Everything was sparkly and shiny. And then THAT hit me. Hit me with full fury like a cavalry smashing with the shields of enemy soldiers. BAM. That is when I lost it. It is the DARK AGE in the history of my memories.

And when the dreams fall crashing on you like shards of glass from a billion broken windows. That is when you realize that there are so many questions without any answers. You come so close to it and then everything just breaks into pieces. It's like when you hold a beautiful rose, you love it for a couple of days. But when you hold it a few days later, it simply disintegrates right in your hand. It's beauty lost. It's magic gone. The sky weeps. The wind wails. The earth moans. Is there a way out? And escape from this flesh and an exit from this world? Freedom forever?

I do not know what the future holds for me. I do not know if I will ever be able to rise again and mount on my horse of life to fight again. Do I have enough strength? I do not know.